Changing the Way We Look at Things

Life over the past year, has placed me in a deep thought and process mode regarding how to put the final details to words in order to complete my book draft.  Some of those details and thoughts involve the opening chapter.  However, I believe that it has been harbouring "attack" thoughts in my mind for some of life's unexpected experiences and toxic people lately, which has brought me writer's block, kept me from exploring my creative and emotional side to drive my story home.

As indicated in my recent blog posts, it has been a wild ride for me since the turn of the new year.  Though I had no control over the surprise of the things that came out of no where, we seldom do,  I know that I am a blessed and, while not immediately, have always been grateful to God for all the things and blessings in my life, good bad and indifferent. While those experiences can either add joy, sorrow or pain to our lives, they have always been what have provided me with either miracles, or the tools to strive to make the next day of in my life even better than the one before.  Above all, they remind me daily that it pays to accept them as a humble man. 

Today, for whatever the reason, I am willing to remember that it may be my unforgiving thoughts that are at he root of my not feeling at ease with certain things and even some people that are part of my daily life and my world. Today, I am again able to see the value in maintaining a positive attitude, the way I view things, and the self power we can feel with forgiveness.  The power it has provided me today is a breakthrough in my writing.

It is very interesting, but with the end of a year and the turn of the new year, I have been provided with a "Wake-up Call" to understand and embrace all of the good, bad and the indifferent.  After all, I cannot control the actions of others, but I do not have to allow them to invade my world. I may have to deal with them, for now, but they are not able to control me or the beauty of my existence.

With this new found power and insight, while it may seem or even sound corny to some, I am able to shut down the toxicity that seems to have wiggled its way into my world, to take a new look at all of the values that I hold dear, and to have and maintain an open mind to all new thoughts, ideas and beliefs. I feel as though I found a new way to open my heart and mind to the fire of creative energy by letting go of my self-imposed limitations.

I want to end this entry today with another one of my favorite quotes by Wayne Dyer, "“If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.”  Amen to that...

Confidence

Once again, life, writers block and honestly, a lack of confidence and yes, motivation too, have kept me from updating my Blog for the past few weeks. I mean, I am human after all.

Admittedly, I have never been one to get on a soapbox to share my woes or disappointments. As I mentioned, I am human, have experienced what seems like my fair share of them lately too and I lost a bit of confidence. But, that is why they call it “LIFE.” Regardless, since I can remember, I have always been the shoulder and not the other way around and I will agree that it is not a very wise thing to do. It has never been in my nature to off load those things, only to process and find a way to get back on top. Of course, some of my very close friends and I have been able to share those from time to time, when they rattle my cage to see what is going on with me, or why I have not posted. It seems like they have a sixth sense and it does make me smile.

So, what brought me back you ask? Easily put it was finding my confidence again and being in a position to help a friend and colleague. It brought me back and of course i will be keeping it in place. I am certainly aware that self-belief is a positive tonic and key to our own self confidence, which has always helped me grow under the most difficult circumstances. I just needed a nudge, one I wasn’t looking for or even asked for, as most things are for me these days, it just came back.

This latest experience, or should I say experiences reminded me of something I read once and I cannot even remember who said it, but I know it was a passage in an inspirational book I recently read. Regardless, It went something like this:

“…fact of the matter is, there is no hip world, and there is no straight world. There's a world, you see, which has people in it who believe in a variety of different things. Everybody believes in something and everybody, by virtue of the fact that they believe in something, use that something to support their own existence.” This is so powerful to me. As I come back charging today, I felt it was important to share with anyone who may need the “nudge” themselves.

Today, I am going to leave you with one of my all time favorite quotes, by a very intelligent and one of my all time favorites, David Henry Thoreau, “Live your beliefs and you can turn the world around.”

Celebrating a New Year

It's been since just before I left for our family Christmas in Ireland that I have posted to my blog.  Seems like only yesterday, but so much "stuff" has been filled in between the lines. Regardless, by popular demand, Mark is back to his Blog.

Our trip to Ireland was awesome.  I enjoyed everything about my time away with most of the family.  I sure did miss Chenin and Sean, and of course all of my other family from afar.

Our visit to Ireland was everything I imagined and more.  It wasn't so much the spectacular lights, the sampling of many Guinness beers over dynamic and wonderful family time and conversation, the countryside or even that I was sharing all of this with our very special family.  It was experiencing the history in Belfast that will stick in my mind. Growing up, I loved studying history.  For the very first time in my life, I was able to see where the "troubles" experienced  between the Catholics and Protestants all began.  As I was at the Peace Walls and the Memorial Wall enjoying a moment of silence for those lost, it seemed to validate my often struggle with organized religion.  I know I was not alone in the power experienced in that moment in time.  Regardless, for me, it was the single most poignant moment of my Ireland adventure.

While away, I focused on me. Probably for the first time in a very long time.  I took a great deal of time to reflect on life, where I was, where it might be headed, the amazing gifts and miracles that came my way in 2011, and what I desired for my life in 2012 and beyond.  I enjoyed some very healthy moments taking stock and investing time in myself. 

Celebrating the New Year, will be just that a celebration of life.  As I was driving feverishly around Ireland and Northern Ireland with the family, having the absolute pleasure to witness history, green hills, stunning and beautiful countryside, peaceful walks and a calm pace; simplicity became my friend. 

Nevertheless, celebrating 2012 will certainly include my family, both new and "known," and some of the same things I was so fortunate to discover and experience in 2011.  As I close out today's blog, I leave you with one of my favorite quotes by Hal Borland. Year's end is neither an end nor a beginning but a going on, with all the wisdom that experience can instill in us.

Counting My Blessings

What a whirlwind of a month for all of us. Not sure where it went, or how it passed us by so quickly, but here we are knocking at the back door of Christmas 2011. But, despite all of the craziness around me, there is one thing I have not lost sight of and that is that I will always count my blessings

Tonight as I take time to write this blog post, we are preparing and packing to head off to Ireland for the Christmas holiday to see Brian.  As I sit here and think about my week,  I choose to focus on the highlights, because the insanity of some of it, or the people that created it, do not deserve any billing here. So, my "bright spot" of the week, was sharing my Christmas wish with everyone in my family, either over the phone, or via e-mail or social media, if I was not able to reach them. It was important to me that each of them knew their importance in my life and that I give thanks to God for all the goodness, life lessons and gifts of their love this year.

I have had a great deal of time to reflect on my life this month, the people in my life and those that affect my life in a wide variety of ways. My family, old and new, have really blessed my life this year. Whether it was them in person, or touching base with their memory. 2011 will undoubtedly be the most memorable and incredible year of my life. What better time of year to be able to reflect on the new and wonderful discovery of my father and my new family this year, as well as the growth and reflection on the past. Probably very important to reflect on the past and let it go now. For it is the present and future and all the good times that await our family that are now my focus for the new year. Nevertheless, I feel blessed that I was given this beautiful gift.

So, please be sure to count your blessings. I know that once you realize how valuable you are and how much you have going for you, the smiles will return, the sun will break out, the music will play, and you will finally be able to move forward the life that God intended for you with grace, strength, courage, and confidence.

As the very famous Playwrite, Charles Dickens, once said, be sure to reflect on your present blessings of which every man has many, not on your past misfortunes, of which all men have some.

A very Merry Christmas to all and a very Happy New Year too!

Pursuit of Passion

As I am writing this evening, I asked myself, I wonder how many people actually do what they truly love? I would venture to guess that more people do what is convenient for them to do. 

So often times it happens that we find ourselves living our lives in chains and we never even know, or chose to ignore that we have the key to escape.  This is something I have thought about and even struggles a bit over the past few weeks. Regardless, I woke up yesterday, not sure what time, but I will be giving this a great deal more of my attention in the coming year.

From the outside, I believe that most people see our accomplishments and while they may or may not be  proud of what we have accomplished, or even remembered by the time the year comes to an end, they truly believe that we are doing what we should be doing.  But, for some of us, I would venture to say that what they don’t see is just how much you have to give up in order to achieve something.

I've often found myself mesmerized by some of the things the people in my immediate and reachable world are able to accomplish on any given day.  In fact, you can often find me cheering them on and being truly happy for them when they achieve their success. Clearly, in those moments, while not vocalized, I believe that is where the person is meant to be and doing what they are doing.  I know for a fact that many of my family, friends and colleagues feel that same way about the things I accomplish.  In all honesty, it is true that I enjoy what I do and have done in my life, but I am now able to freely admit that I have not been pursuing my passion.

That old saying "you only live once" has been playing in my head over and over again this week and guess what? I know that I am not getting any younger.  We should really pay attention to those four words, because we all know that there are no guarantees from day to day.  And I will be the first to admit that I have far too much experience under my belt to be listening to the ongoing and repetitive negativity and supposed "wisdom" of some of those who 1) do not even know me and 2) have not even walked a day in my shoes.

I am by no means saying that I know it all or that I have "wasted: any part of my life.  I am merely speaking from my experience and I am very proud of all I have been able to do over the past 50+ years.   However, even during those accomplished years, I have also believed that it’s ok to think about what you want to do…until it’s time to start doing what you were meant to do. What better time for a new year and another new beginning.  I know I have not shared that "passion" with you now, but I believe the time will come for me to share that very soon.

So, take a moment and ask yourself when you are outside and look up at the stars, are you able to see beyond them -- realize that there is so much more out there that you may be capable of and should be doing? Or do you look up, see them for their beauty and go back to your life, believing that you are happy in doing what you’re doing?

Life, while it is wonderful, our universe can also have its down sides for us from time to time.  I try to think of them as life being one big risk that we have to allow ourselves to believe in and take a chance, in order to assume that risk.  I know that I feel blessed to have and be able to assume that risk. 

Keeping the Spirit of the Season

The holiday season can be a time full of joy, cheer, parties and family gatherings. There is no doubt about it, this is a beautiful time of year.  For the most part I try to make this my focus and reality the best I am able.

However, this time of year can be tough on all of us too.  We are all so much on our plates at work and at home.  I know for me in the world of law firms, this is the "busiest time of year."  We have year-end, reviews, compensation planning, and the list can go on an on.  It has seemed as if finding the time to squeeze in a visit or even a phone call with a friend or family member seems impossible for me these days with all of the demands that we are faced with.  I make the time, but I still feel the squeeze I know that feeling is shared by many of my family, friends and colleagues too. 

Somehow this time of year can bring our the scrooge in people too. My recent blog, I discussed them as "toxic people." They are running rampant in my world these days and I see them all around and hear that they are finding their way into other's lives too.  We have enough on our plates, are feeling the pressure and exhaustion enough.  So, do your best to revolt and ignore them at all cost.

Exhaustion and the "holiday blues" seem to find its way into the season too.  We are all feeling it and the signs are all around. I certainly know that I am feeling exhaustion.  I was at a holiday party in Chicago one night this week (not sure how I found the energy) and I took a look around and I could see the feeling of "exhaustion" on the faces of my friends and colleagues in the room.  I didn't even have to make a comment about and a dear friend I had been catching up with noticed it at the same moment I did..  At that moment, we laughed out loud.  It really helped relieve the stress and we actually felt normal again.  It sure made the rest of the evening a total blast.

Regardless, we all know that there are many factors can cause the “holiday blues”: stress, fatigue, unrealistic expectations, over-commercialization, financial constraints, and the inability to be with one’s family and friends. The demands of shopping, parties, family reunions and house guests also contribute to feelings of tension.  Try to keep expectations for the holiday season manageable. Try to set realistic goals for yourself. Pace yourself. Organize your time. Make a list and prioritize the important activities.

Another idea it to spend time with supportive and caring people. Reach out and make new friends, or contact someone you haven’t heard from in a while.


Save time for yourself! Recharge your batteries! Let others share in the responsibility of planning activities and above all don't forget to make time for your friends and family. 
 
In the big scheme of things, they are what matters and the rest of it is not as important.

Maintaining Inpsiration with Toxic People and Behaviors

Another insane week has come and gone and unfortunately with the hectic week my blog posting has taken the hit.  I appropriately titled my Blog posting today to fit with what seems to be the ongoing theme for the month.  Honestly, inspiration is a powerful thing to possess and I am grateful that I have been able to  maintain it as I keep life real.

The week was all over the map for me regarding emotions, some good and some challenging.  There were moments that being "inspirational" was the last thing on my mind, as I found that I was the one needing inspiration. So, I found myself looking at many resources and other places for my own motivation and inspiration.

It certainly is the time of year when we can find ourselves and our emotions on over drive.  I am no exception to the rule this year. In addition to coping with my emotions, it seems that I have been inundated with coming into direct contact and having to deal with toxic people and/or the toxic behaviors that seem to be directly impacting my life. 

You know the old saying, "When it rains it pours?" Well, that is where I found myself over the past couple of weeks.  While I have been working over time maintaining my inspiration along with the reality of life's real presence.  This real presence included dealing with toxic people and behaviors.  No matter where I turned, I could find them in my path.  Can we say, stop the world and let me off?  I wanted to yell at the top of my lungs, "is everybody crazy?" But, I held back.  In retrospect, holding back was not the best for me, as the toxins only seem to saturate me even more.

I had to dig into my bag of tricks and learned skills from some of my legal training over the years.  I ran across a book from Marsha Peitrie Sue from a few years back, "Dealing with Toxic People." I had to get a quick refresher course to 1) identify my triggers in these situations and 2) maintain a neutral space for myself.  Regardless, through some quick evening speed reading, I was able to get a grip of most of what I was confronted with and it has helped me out tremendously.

I was able to identify my triggers that set off my negative reactions with these individuals and the relevant behaviors. Identifying the triggers for me was the easy part.  It ended up being the behavior I felt and would find myself a part of as a result of the toxic person or behavior. I did not like what it did to me. The tough part for me was trying to figure out to release the triggers in a positive and productive manner.  Because of my attachment or frequency of contact with some of these individuals, that was the tough piece of the puzzle for me to complete.  I am still working on it, but so far, so good.

I am able to maintain my neutral space (my safe haven) away from these individuals or behavior triggers.  This space provided me with an avenue to release the triggers and the willingness to trust that I possess the inner strength to isolate the problem. In my neutral space, I have even found a way to work on mirroring a positive reaction to the challenging personality and/or person, so that I can do my best to shut down the negativity that is getting in my way. So, I encourage any of you dealing with similar situations to make sure you have a safe haven.

I know that I am not able to control the toxic behavior or personalities of others, but as you know, the affect that this can have on a human being can be tremendous. Regardless, through this process, I have learned that challenging people can be a gift in disguise, for they have alerted me to areas within myself that need more neutrality. I continue to learn how to deal with and how not to deal with people and behavior who try to invade my peaceful world. 

While still a work in process, I feel myself coming back and I continue to do my best to keep it all in perspective and real too.