Monday, December 5, 2011

Maintaining Inpsiration with Toxic People and Behaviors

Another insane week has come and gone and unfortunately with the hectic week my blog posting has taken the hit.  I appropriately titled my Blog posting today to fit with what seems to be the ongoing theme for the month.  Honestly, inspiration is a powerful thing to possess and I am grateful that I have been able to  maintain it as I keep life real.

The week was all over the map for me regarding emotions, some good and some challenging.  There were moments that being "inspirational" was the last thing on my mind, as I found that I was the one needing inspiration. So, I found myself looking at many resources and other places for my own motivation and inspiration.

It certainly is the time of year when we can find ourselves and our emotions on over drive.  I am no exception to the rule this year. In addition to coping with my emotions, it seems that I have been inundated with coming into direct contact and having to deal with toxic people and/or the toxic behaviors that seem to be directly impacting my life. 

You know the old saying, "When it rains it pours?" Well, that is where I found myself over the past couple of weeks.  While I have been working over time maintaining my inspiration along with the reality of life's real presence.  This real presence included dealing with toxic people and behaviors.  No matter where I turned, I could find them in my path.  Can we say, stop the world and let me off?  I wanted to yell at the top of my lungs, "is everybody crazy?" But, I held back.  In retrospect, holding back was not the best for me, as the toxins only seem to saturate me even more.

I had to dig into my bag of tricks and learned skills from some of my legal training over the years.  I ran across a book from Marsha Peitrie Sue from a few years back, "Dealing with Toxic People." I had to get a quick refresher course to 1) identify my triggers in these situations and 2) maintain a neutral space for myself.  Regardless, through some quick evening speed reading, I was able to get a grip of most of what I was confronted with and it has helped me out tremendously.

I was able to identify my triggers that set off my negative reactions with these individuals and the relevant behaviors. Identifying the triggers for me was the easy part.  It ended up being the behavior I felt and would find myself a part of as a result of the toxic person or behavior. I did not like what it did to me. The tough part for me was trying to figure out to release the triggers in a positive and productive manner.  Because of my attachment or frequency of contact with some of these individuals, that was the tough piece of the puzzle for me to complete.  I am still working on it, but so far, so good.

I am able to maintain my neutral space (my safe haven) away from these individuals or behavior triggers.  This space provided me with an avenue to release the triggers and the willingness to trust that I possess the inner strength to isolate the problem. In my neutral space, I have even found a way to work on mirroring a positive reaction to the challenging personality and/or person, so that I can do my best to shut down the negativity that is getting in my way. So, I encourage any of you dealing with similar situations to make sure you have a safe haven.

I know that I am not able to control the toxic behavior or personalities of others, but as you know, the affect that this can have on a human being can be tremendous. Regardless, through this process, I have learned that challenging people can be a gift in disguise, for they have alerted me to areas within myself that need more neutrality. I continue to learn how to deal with and how not to deal with people and behavior who try to invade my peaceful world. 

While still a work in process, I feel myself coming back and I continue to do my best to keep it all in perspective and real too.

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