Thursday, June 30, 2011

The Dilemma...

What an incredible day I had yesterday, both professionally and personally. 

I experienced a very good and productive day at work, was able to do my part to get caught up on my association responsibilities and above all, I had another great conversation with my dad. So, why do I have a dilemma? 

Well, my dad, whom I found recently and I have not been reunited with yet, informed me yesterday that he will be heading to Idaho in mid-July with his lovely wife to attend my older brother, Jim's wedding.  I am thrilled for my brother and he knows how much I love him and that I we have been there for each other in the past.  The issue is that I have had this prior commitment for well over a year now to be involved in a meeting in another state (where I am involved with others presenting) the very same weekend of their wedding. 

Now, for those of you who are just coming into the picture; finding my father has been a very recent and amazing discovery I made in early May 2011).  This discovery was the culmination of my 22-year on and off search to map out my really family tree, never even having a clue that I would in fact find my dad alive.  My brother's wedding and my meeting were already previously planned and mine well in advance of my brother's wedding and this amazing discovery. 

Now, our father is very much alive, starting to be a part of our lives via telephone and like us looking forward to finally being reunited. Now, I learn that he will be attending my brother's wedding! Amazing in of itself.  Please don't get me wrong, I am thrilled that all of theses cards came together and just in time for my brother like this; especially at this time in his life, when he has found true love, his own inner peace and then to have our father attend his wedding too.  So, back to my dilemma. 

Do I take a risk to try to work out a quick (less than 24-hour) detour to visit Idaho around my already planned meeting weekend in order to be there for this reunion with my brother (the only one I have known about until now) and our father, or do I let my brother have this amazing moment in time to himself before he is married and have my moment(s) in New York at a later date? 

Part of me initially thought that having a reunion like this might not be fair to my new sister-in-law on her wedding day.  Then, another part of me believes that because a wedding celebrates family and new beginnings, that the timing is more than perfect.

I am stuck with making my decision at the moment for many of my own personal reasons, all of which have merit and purpose.  But, the most important is my own selfish desire to have my own special moment(s) when I am reunited with my father and to share that moment with my family, as my brother will do at his wedding in July. 

So, my heart strings are being tugged and I am wondering...do I stay or do I go?

Wednesday, June 29, 2011

My First Letter to My Father

June 2011


Dad,

The first word is amazing to write let alone the words to follow, as I never thought any of what has transpired between us would ever be possible, let alone writing a letter to my “Dad” this Father’s Day.

No one more than me, except for Jimmy (Bobby) could ever understand how overwhelming and unbelievable finding you alive has been. However, I do hope and sense that it has made you as happy as it has made me. I have a sense of peace about me now knowing that the truth has been told and you are near, regardless of the distance between us.

I am grateful to David for being my connection to you and initially felt a bond start between us after I reached out. It told me a lot about the person you are when I found out that you long ago told your family all about Jimmy and me. I believe my heart skipped several beats when I received the note back from David within the same hour of reaching out to him acknowledging that I was your son and his brother.

I truly do not want any of us to dwell on any of the past. We cannot change it or get any of that time back and unfortunately, there were decisions made for us at the time, which set us on separate paths. I have a good life, am successful, have great kids and love is abundant in my life.

I wanted to thank you for sharing the letters, photos and documents with me in your letter. Pieces of the puzzle are coming together for us. Jimmy and I have talked over the course of this discovery and I am very pleased that he has reached out to you and is now happy that I kept strong and did not give up my search.

This has really opened up so many possibilities for my family and hopefully yours too. I know time has been both an enemy and friend. What we do with the time before us now will be the key to our future.

I know that you and Jimmy have been communicating and he told me that he asked you to see if it is possible to have you officiate his wedding. I know that it is a long shot, but truly amazing that we are even discussing it as a possibility. Unfortunately, at the present time, I will be missing this wedding because of work commitments out west. They have been planned for over a year now and tough to get out of. I have been there for him for almost everything else, but will still miss not being there to support him this time. It seems that he really has found a good one this time around. She seems good for him on so many levels. I am so happy to know that his life is good and that he is a good place now and that he has found peace with himself.

I may not attend church every Sunday, but I am a good person, have been a believer for many years. Because so many judge me, sometimes, I find it a bit more difficult for me to keep my faith, but I work through those issues and always come out on the positive side. I have a great life, awesome partner and family who love me, keep me on track and really have shown me what love and family truly means. My faith, my dreams, belief in myself and the strength and support of my family gave me the strength I needed to continue my search for you. I could go on and on about my feelings, but I sense you understand them and have experienced many of them over the years and now too.

Please know that I do love you. While you, Jimmy and I were not together, or that we never knew about you until we were adults, I praise God that you are there and especially that you gave me life. I am very grateful to learn that you fought hard to try to see us, no matter the consequences. That means the world to me to know.

I could see, for the first time, happiness in my mom’s eyes in the photos you provided me. That spoke volumes and did my heart such good. Her sister, Winnie, was so happy to see them too. She told me that she never knew that there was an actual wedding.

There are so many things I want to share with you, learn about you and know that you could help me with. So, I hope I get the opportunity to meet up with you again and soon.

I do know that all good things do come to those who wait.

I send much love, Mark







Monday, June 27, 2011

Yes, You Can Get Through Today!


It is Monday and quite a challenging day to get everything done that is on the plate, yours and otherwise.  So many have shared with me today and it is an exceptionally bad day.  Some of the reasons I will share in this Blog post today.  So, if you find that today is a particularly rough day for you, just remember - you can get through it.

If your boss is getting on your nerves so badly that you want to quit, remember - you can get through today.

If you feel like your relationships is so bad that you are contemplating a change, remember - you can get through today.

If the bills are pressing in on you and you're worried about losing your home, remember - you can get through today.

If the worst happens and you receive a foreclosure notice, repossession paperwork or a pink slip at work, remember - you can STILL get through today.

So much of life has to be taken one day at a time. And even when the worst happens, most of us still find the will to succeed. How many paraplegics ever thought they'd continue to enjoy life after experiencing a horrible accident? What man or woman ever believed they'd be just as happy single as they were when they were together in a relationsip? And what person who ever filed for bankruptcy could anticipate the joy they'd find in learning (finally) how to manage their finances?

No matter what your circumstances today - remember - YOU CAN GET THROUGH TODAY!!

Sunday, June 26, 2011

I Feel Freedom At Last...or Almost at Least...

First let me say that I am very proud of my home state of New York for standing up for what is right and making a difference in our world.  The freedom for gay men and women to marry whom they love!  Amen!

Have you ever read the definition. Let me share it with you.
FREEDOM

1. the state of being free or at liberty rather than in confinement or under physical restraint: He won his freedom after a retrial.
2.  exemption from external control, interference, regulation, etc.
3. the power to determine action without restraint

From where I sit, I do believe this definition has not been fairly applied to all of us.
 
For whatever reason, society and our government has been involved a great deal of debate over the very rights that I fought for in this country.  The right to be free to live as myself and the right to be free to live and love and marry who I love. 

Over the course of history, we have certainly been here many times before.  Let's see, the right for Women to vote, for African Americans to have the same rights as their white brothers and the freedom for interracial couples to marry the ones they love.  Let me ask you when does all of this stop?  Haven't we learned from our forefathers that interfering in the rights of others is wrong no matter how you look at it? 

Why did I spend 21 years honorably serving my country and fought to protect only to continue to fight those who work hard to deny me what should be mine to cherish?  Oh, I understand that some believe that allowing me my freedoms will encroach on the sanctity of something grand, marriage.  Really, my brothers, sisters and I are the ones who are going to ruin the sanctity of marriage?  Has anyone looked at the current divorce rate in our country lately?  And I really don't want to get started here.  Can we talk about all of the straight men and women who are married that have done a good job marring that all on their own?  Something seems very wrong with this picture.

Nevertheless, over time, I have remained patient and on the sidelines and yes even hidden in fear of my beliefs.  I can no longer do that anymore and I hope there are others who will take a stand for what is not only the right thing to do, but because freedom is for all for all of us Americans and  it is what this country so proudly stands for. Every time I stand at a ball game or other event where we sing the Star Spangled Banner, I inevitably have tears streaming down my face because of the immense pride I have for this country and for my American heritage.

I believe that our differences do not have to cause infighting, war, hate or despair in this country on any level.  Our differences are what makes this county so great.  Our differences have been fought over for years on many levels as I mention above.  Differences so great that they are why our men and women in the armed forces continue to die today.

While I seem to have gotten off on a tangent here, there are similarities in my Blog discussion today, between what we fight so hard against within our own borders and the men and women of our armed forces fighting on foreign soil.  Regardless, I hope all of you will take a moment to notice that our youth continue to put their lives on the line for all of us. Do any of you take the time to read their names in the paper each week?  I certainly do!  Every Sunday, I say a prayer for them and their families and I thank God for their lives and their belief in something so grand, beautiful and honest, our freedom!

Friday, June 24, 2011

Life Can Begin at Any Age

I first heard this many years ago and ironically, it was my mother.  At the time, I was not convinced that it was possible for a life to begin in the middle.  Well, I am here to tell you that it is possible.

Larnelle Harris' song "I can begin again," from a few years ago, has resonated recently with me as of late.  While the lyrics of the song refer to loss, there is only hope throughout, which can begin with enjoying and living your life with passion and seeing it through the eyes of a child.  The message is very positive and keeps us focused only on what is truly important; that we can start over again with each new day. 

It is important to put the past behind you, feel free to dream and to not be afraid to reach out beyond what you may believe is not possible, in order to capture what is possible to have in your lives.

My life is far from a song, probably closer to a Lifetime Movie as of late, but nevertheless, it began for me later in life when I realized I needed to accept the past, the things I could not change and most importantly who I was and the impact I could make not only on my life, but in the world.  It is important for each of us to realize that we impact the world in ways that we never know until we are in the present moment.

In my Blog, I have discussed "Finding My Father."  That story is far from being complete, and as promised, I will continue to share it as time goes on.  What is so significant about "finding my father," is the timing of it all.  When I least expected it, or yes, had even given up that I would ever learn anything about him, let alone that he was alive, that miracle came true and just before my brother, Jimmy was to be married. 

While difficult to comprehend at the time for both of us, when I shared the news with my older brother (the only one I knew all my life), I was able to share what I believe is a gift for him; the gift of having a father (once an improbability) and just in time for his wedding.  To beat that, it appears that our dad will be able to officiate his wedding next month, a truly amazing gift, indeed.  This will be the first time that they have seen each other in over 53 years. 

There are all sorts of emotions for me attached to my brother's wedding in July.  You see, I have had prior commitments for the last year (never knowing any of what has transpired, including this wedding) keeping me from being in a position to make the actual wedding.   Regardless, the reunion with our dad at his wedding will be a perfect gift for my brother and his wife, Trina. One very positive and emotional moment that I can only begin to imagine. 

Oh, I will be involved in one way or the other, if I have anything to do or say about it.  I do take comfort in knowing that my belief in a dream, persistence, the willingness to see life through the eyes of a child and find beauty in my life has had an impact on the lives of my immediate family, my brother, Trina, her family, our dad's family and to all of you too whom I know have a heart. 

So, I leave you with this thought.  New beginnings as not just for the young. 

This can be your impact on the world and it has been for me.

Thursday, June 23, 2011

Be an Artist and Paint your Life Canvas

                                                   I'm still painting the canvas of my life.  Are you?
 
I'd venture to say that all of us are artists in one form or the other.  Let's face it, with each day that we live and share with our families and friends we are all an artist painting our life's canvas.  Only we understand what the next stroke will be, or who gets to make it.

Creating our canvas is not meant to be difficult and we have all the paint and materials we need with us.  What can be the challenge is making the time to complete the canvas.  Life has a tendency to get in the way some times.  It does for all of us. 

Because I've learned to never say the B word again, "busy," my family and friends will tell you that I refer to myself as "a rat on wheels," that's because there is so much continually going on around me, whether I am directly involved or sharing the moment with another family member or friend.  It's all good for me, as long as that wheel gets to take a break, receives much needed oil and knows where I need to stop in order to get up and make my next paint stroke.

What I love about my canvas is that I can use any color I chose and it can be assymetrical too. It is my own design.  I let others add their touches to it too, that is what makes my life such a beautiful place to be.  I think the key is to know who to allow to touch your life's canvas, or perhaps you want everyone to be a part of that canvas.  I would just offer this.  For anyone who sees life a little more dark that you, allow them to be a part of the design.  But, as I try to do, I would suggest that you are sure to seek out the lighthearted and those loving souls in your life to add just the right touch of highlights.

I would suggest that you paint with passion and always look back on your canvas each day with pride!

Wednesday, June 22, 2011

Reach for Opportunity in all Situations

There are times when we must go through negative situations. It may be with someone at work, perhaps with a friend or family relationship that may not be fed positively in both directions.  Maybe people say something negative about us, or they show rejection or even resentment against us. In situations like these, it may be difficult to for us to keep a positive attitude or better yet, to keep the relationship moving along in a positive direction, as we may be inclined to react negatively to them. I know that I have learned the hard way that this type of reaction won’t do us any good though; doing so will just make the situation worse. It may result in having these people behave even more negatively to us. I don't know about you, but for me the day would be filled with anger and disappointment and in the end, nobody wins.

So when you find yourself in a situation where it might not be going the way you want it to, or communication seems to be lacking on both ends, take a deep breath as a first step to calm yourself down. Make sure that you speak in gentle tone to whomever you are involved with (personally or through email) to reduce the tension of the situation.

These a just a couple of some very simple tips can assist us realize that we can find opportunities in all negative situations. Albert Einstein said: “In the middle of every difficulty lies opportunity.”

Be sure to reach for the opportunity. It is the best solution for everyone!

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

Dare to Dream

Go ahead, make your imagination and dreams come true. 

Let me just say that it has been a long day arduous day at the office and that I wondered how I was going to write in my Blog today and what I would write about to inspire myself let alone others.  I had time to think about it on a short workout and on the train ride home tonight.  So, here goes.

I believe, as I have tried to share with others over this life time, that there is a lot to be said about holding on to what you want in your life and in your dream for yourself and your family.  Yes, dreaming...we all do it.  Admit it, you do too and you have one now while you are reading this Blog. It is part of living for everyone.  I know that there is more than one of you who can do that very well now now.

Let's face it dreaming is like climbing a ladder.  In fact, Thomas Huxley once said that the rung of the ladder was never meant for us to rest our foot upon, but to hold that foot long enough to enable us to put the other foot somewhat higher.  I believe that dreaming is the same concept.  Because if we keep moving forward in the path of our dreams there can really be nothing to stop us from having them become reality.

I agree that there will be obstacles along the way.  However, I believe that they only get in the way when we take our eyes off our goal and vision.  So, don't let fear control your thoughts.  If you want your dreams to come true the first thing you have to do is wake up and let them into your life and find the time and energy to grow into them. 

Do your best to not worry about what was, the what ifs. or even yesterday. Try not to go back and start over, none of us can do that, no matter how much we want to.  But we can do our part to believe in our dreams and write an amazing ending to the wonderful story called life.

Monday, June 20, 2011

Patience is a virtue

I am convinced that patience is a learned trait.  Certainly one I never mastered when I was younger, as I had no one to really show me that "patience is a virtue."

When I wanted something I was convinced that I needed it now.  That was what I learned growing up.  If I did not get it, then I learned that showing frustration and anger would usually result in getting you what you wanted in the short term, but I quickly learned that it was never the solution in the long term.

Once I learned, as an adult, that I was adopted, I spent 22 years searching for any information that I could learn about my father, who he was, what happened to him and how his life was without me and my brother.  Some of you will remember from my previous blog posts that we were told that he had passed on.  Unknowingly, I set out on my search with bad information and an incorrect set of facts.  Those two things will usually doom any search or investigation and really play a trick on your patience, or lack thereof.  Then of course there was the cost of pursuing such an investigation that was quick to doom my search when the well went dry at times.  Can we say "frustrating?" 

Remember, I did not know or learn anything other than impatience and finding a way to get what  I wanted and "right now."  It was during the last 22 years where I learned that I could turn this negative behavior into positive perseverance.  This taught me patience and just in the nick of time, as I had someone watching me; my daughter. I certainly did want her going through her young life as I did and I hoped that she would learn that having patience was very important and key to a experiencing a happy and fulfilled life.

Well, patience won out and I did find the information I wanted about my father, as well as something more; he was very much alive and he himself had held out and prayed for the day that my brother and I would want to know him and let him into our lives.  Obviously, he was under the impression that we chose not to know him either.  So not true!

So, the irony of this blog post today is that whether my dad knows it or not, I must have learned patience and perseverance from being a part of him.  You see, he never gave up either and as he told me yesterday when I called to wish him a very emotional and my first "happy father's day," that he had prayed long and hard over the years for this day to come and it did.

The lesson here; never stop believing in the power of patience and perseverance, no matter what.

Sunday, June 19, 2011

Father's Day, Dad 2011!

Happy Father' Day, Dad! 

Life is amazing and it has been an unbelievable ride for me this year.  Last year, as a result of my past, I was left to believe that my father was not in my life to wish a happy father's day. Who knew that this year, as I celebrated an amazing weekend with Chenin and head home to do the same with Steve and his kids, that I would have found out that my dad was in this life and like me prayed for the day that he too would have his first born sons wish him a "Happy Father's Day" too.  Well, fate and perseverance took me to this day in time where I found my father and will be calling him today to thank him for giving me life and wish him a wonderful day.

When I found and sent my very first father's day card to him this year, it was a moment in time like no other.  But, the perfect card found its way into my reading and its way to my father.  I am happy to share that as beautiful as it was for me to send the card to him, it was as equally beautiful for him to receive it.

So, as I had the most incredible father's day with my daughter, Chenin and her husband and look forward to the remainder of the day with my family at home is Wisconsin, I am as excited as a little kid in a candy store to call my dad and wish him a happy father's day, my first ever.

Thank you, destiny and fate for giving me this opportunity to BELIEVE that all good things come to those who wait and that my father was there waiting for me too.

Saturday, June 18, 2011

A Father, Savouring the Moments

Yesterday was a great day!  All days are great, no matter what, as there is always a message I can walk away with from each of them that offer solutions for the next one in front of me.

However, yesterday, as I walked down the streets of Portland, Oregon with my daughter, Chenin, we talked, laughed (so very good for the soul) and shared our own memories of how we got to that moment in time.  Whether she realized it or not, I was able to listen to Chenin share moments of her past, our past, our family's past and watch how she smiled because they truly made her very happy.  It was such a good feeling for a father to know that those past moments mattered in her life.  That realization truly put a smile on my face and in my heart.  It was very special to know what even the memory of a song we share meant to her, her life and how accurate it depicted our relationship, our lives, past, present and future.

The day continued with more moments, funny ones, silly ones and serious ones that made the rest of the day shared even more incredible.  We may not have really have done a great deal during of "stuff: during the day, but we sure made some more great personal face time memories along the way. 

This trip was so important for me to see first hand her new life with her husband, Sean and see just how happy she really is in her new surroundings, home, and friends and how passionately her husband loves her.  I got to see, up close and personal, the love and happiness they share,  I cannot even begin to describe what a comfort it was for a father.

What was so incredible about yesterday, was that we can take a simple moments over coffee, or while I watch her work in her new office, get lost in Powell Books and really make each of those moments in time count.

The closeness we share, no matter how far apart we may find ourselves at times, is because of those moments we've shared in our past, the unspoken knowledge that love does conquer all, and that knowing when we get together again, it is like taking up where we left off from our last moment in time together.

I challenge all of you to do your best to do savour the moments that you share and make them special.  Whether it is with the love in your life, your children, families or friends, make them special in ways that only you know how. It does make all the difference in the world and it makes all of the other moments that follow stronger and very exciting.

So, be sure to make today count!  What a wonderful Father's Day weekend for me this year.

Love to all my children!

Thursday, June 16, 2011

Love My Children

I am a very fortunate man.  I have an amazing daughter, Chenin, who was born into my life 27 years ago.  We have been a great father and daughter team over the years and  even though she has an amazing husband and life of her own, we still are today.  Also, I am honored to say very good friends too.

Was it always this way?  Not really.  Yes, we have always loved each  other, but when she was young and learning, I had to help her learn that there was more to the basic food groups than Yakasoba noodles.  So, you could say that when she was 8 years old, she did not like me much.  I was the one who had to make her eat more, including her vegetables and also to make sure she understood why it was important to do so.  She eventually got it and I know that when the day comes that she has to help her own children eat correctly, she will remember these moments, and I'll bet she will smile. Oh, there were many more parenting moments over the years too, we all have them, but we love to remember theses fun ones.

Our lives together were not always easy.  I say that because there was a time when we fought to be able to have the time to spend with each other.  What we learned through this process was that sometimes the simple things in life, really are not that simple and sometimes adults can act more like children than the children.  The good news is that as a family we all realized one day that fighting in order to have more time was really not going to get any of us very far and in the end nowhere in the eyes of a child. 

We were fortunate, as I know that there are families out there now, some very near and dear to me, who are having this same struggle now as I write this.  I offer you this.  Never give up, but be respectful of each other's space and reasoning.  Yes, it is not easy, but worth it in the end. If not for yourselves, for the future of our children.  They are innocent and ALWAYS learn from us.  That should say it all.  But, one thing is for sure, our children will never forget that you fought for what was right for them.  That memory will remain a positive constant in their lives.

Now, life has blessed me with more adult children, Meghan and Brian.  Yes, they are my partner's children by blood, but in every sense of the word, I love them and there is no doubt in my mind that I would move heaven and earth to be there for them, as I am for Chenin.  We are a family now and we are here for each other.  Yes, I know and thank God for these blessings.

I love you, Chenin, Meghan and Brian...very much.  I am always here for you.

Dad

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

Make Life Happen

It seems that some people are content with simply letting life happen for them.  It is important for us to decide what is going to happen in life for ourselves.  To just exist is not enough, at least for me.  I can't imagine that anyone wants to go along, simply existing. I'll bet you will agree with me that the journey is more fun if we know where we are going and how to get there.

How do we get there?  Well, I believe that we first have to find and identify our dream, our purpose, our goal or goals, and then you will be able to grow into that dream of your life, realizing your maximum potential along the way.  Not only for yourself, but perhaps for others.  It is important to never be fearful to confront adversity or the unknown.  As I have learned over the years, one has nothing to lose and everything to gain from that fear. 

Along the path, I know that we can touch, in a positive and redemptive way, our own lives and even the lives of other people who then may be able to begin to find the power in a dream and their own successful journey in life.

It took me a while to figure this out myself.  But, with every challenge that came my way, each disappointment, negative event or disruption in either my life or for my family, I knew that in order to come out of them successfully, that I had to leave with something learned and something gained.  Oh, and it was important to understand that it did not have to be all good, all the time.  What was important for me was to understand that it was the experience that I needed in my life to make me stronger and able to find the strength and courage to go on to the next life experience along the way.  It was so simple.  I had to resolve myself to the fact that this was only life happening around me.  I needed to embrace it, experience it, learn from it and share it and then move on and as a much stronger me.  No doubt about it, life is great, when you make it happen.

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Family Ties

"Other things may change us, but we start and end with family" - Anthony Brandt

Not a lot of time today, but you will read why I am making the time to take the time.

Several days ago I began my story with you, "Finding my Father."  I shared the amazing discovery that my father is still part of this earth an my life and that this discovery came with the possibility of a new family.

Time has passed over the last month and ommunication with my new family has been pretty sparse.  There, but infrequent.  I have made it a pact to make time these days to reach out to family, friends and loved ones as much as possible. I will continue to make certain to "check in," on a routine basis in an effort to keep the fire burning and this beautiful discovery going.  What life has taught me, both professionally and personally, is that absence any communication, that silence has a tendency to speak volumes. So, it is important that we all pay attention to a valuable life lesson from time to time and that is to "take time to smell the roses."  Reconnect with ourselves, family, friends and loved ones routinely.  There is no doubt in my mind that it can make a huge difference in someone's life at that moment.

So, my promise to everyone in my "family" and myself to make time to communicate, keep the home fires burning and the miracle opf family alive.

Sunday, June 12, 2011

Enjoying The Present...

The ego mind stores excess baggage filled with old movies of the hurtful past.  As we carry these old memories around, the present gets superimposed by all of the old images from the past.  We keep storing these old films because there is a part of our mind that sees value in fear; is attracted to fear; and would make us feel that fear benefits us in some way.  Let us remember that fear is never in the present, but always related to something in the past, often projected onto the present and the future.  When we stop seeing value in fear, we can then let go of our old baggage and experience totality of Love once again.

Saturday, June 11, 2011

A Beautiful Night Shared with Friends, Makes for a Beautiful Day

Yes, there are clouds in the sky and the cold has moved in again on Wisconsin and the Midwest, but today is a beautiful day.  Enjoyed a wonderful evening with our friends and neighbors at the Racine Country Club last night.  An amazing treat for us, no doubt about it.  We love Mark and Sarah; they are very good friends, good to us and our adult kids, whom they adore. 

I shared my story of "Finding my Father" with them last night. They were mesmerized and thrilled that my search was over and like me, hope that this is the beginning of something beautiful and amazing. 

As part of the story, some old wounds were opened for me too.  I was finally able to share part of my story growing up with a "bad man" whom I knew to be my father.  Don't get me wrong, I have moved on, but what was so poignant about the moment was being able to finally put the pieces together and share the story of emotional and physical abuse, and yes, some shame, yet feel liberated at the same time.  It was almost, no, it was very cleansing.  I felt close to God for the first time in my life as I shared and smiled with pride that I had survived such a life.  At the same time, I felt blessed that I have such an amazing life and while judged by many, is truly a gift from above no matter how you look at it. 

Mark, Sarah and Steve all agree that this story should be a book and a book that will INSPIRE all who read it.  So, I guess that means I need to get going.  Who knows, maybe one day soon, I can let the stressful life of a COO go and enjoy the peace and yes, my dream of being a writer.  A writer who will lift up the audience, motivate and encourage those who may not be able to understand the "why" in their current situation, as I did mine for so many years.

Today is a day to celebrate Pride here in Wisconsin (the Milwaukee and surrounding areas) and that is exactly what I intend to do, celebrate who I am.

To those who have started to read my Blog and find it compelling and yes, interesting too, get ready for one awesome ride. Because the ride has been awesome, no matter what the road looked like getting here.

Hugs to the world today and special love is sent to my new family and my constant love is always there for the family who got me here today.

Friday, June 10, 2011

Keeping Myself Motivated

"The best way to escape from a problem is to solve it." - Alan Saporta


This week is one of those weeks. There have been some disappointing moments over the past several days in my personal life and some pretty intense moments in my professional life. The good news is that the later kept me motivated and not focused on the disappointing moments in my personal life. Of course I know that we all have them. However, this is one of those moments of "been there done that," but prefer not to be there again scenarios.

Why is is that the passion we pour into one or two aspects of our lives cannot, or is not shared with all of the other aspects of our lives? It can really leave a person to wonder; that person on the receiving end of the opposite side of the spectrum. I hear, "it is what it is..." Well, I venture to tell you that it does not have to be that way. We can share passion in one aspect of life with the others. I believe it makes for a good balance, happy life and assures those in your life that you do matter and that they do make a difference too.


Not sure why communication, let alone good communication, is such a problem for some people, when we all know that it makes all the difference in the world. No matter what the people in our lives; family, friends, lovers, significant others, husbands, wives, children, and the list can go on and on; without insightful communication, whether it be good, bad or indifferent, getting through any tough spots can be next to impossible.


Why is it that we have to decide that it is about who is right or wrong, or point fingers? Is that really necessary when we are in this together? Admit it, there are times that we must fall on our sword and own up that mistakes are made and it is about forgiveness that makes the difference in the end.


Remember that without sharing what is on your mind, especially if there is a concern for history repeating itself, or the new discovery made may not have been wisest of moves for everyone, all that is left on the horizon is speculation.


So, Live, Love and Laugh...and communicate those emotions and the others in between. They motivate me and can make all the difference in the world.I am so happy I have this blog to share my thoughts before I speak my mind. It keeps me motivated and in check too.

Thursday, June 9, 2011

Father of the Bride, Continued

So, it has been some time (over a year) since Chenin's wedding, and since I last shared my experience here. I have been a busy man putting my life; past, present and future together.Well, you can see that I was right, she is stunning and made for a beautiful bride. Unless you have taken a walk in my shoes, the entire experience is so hard to sum up or express into words.

What I can share with you in the several days of events leading up to her wedding, were filled with reminiscing, sharing conversation and memories with her and her mother, Linda. So very glad that we are still very good friends. Chenin's siblings were all present and they give her the stage without hesitation.

I enjoyed getting to really know my son-in-law again, along with his family of the Donahue's. They really know how to party. They took the weekend to make it a family reunion too. How very nice for them to have been able to take the time to share time together. We all need to take a note here.

My fondest memory from this wedding was a very interesting experience for me. It was "The Walk" with Chenin. We planned a long walk, as there were two of us to share her walk with and she wanted the long walk with me, so we could share memories, discuss life, happiness and marriage too. I loved these few moments with her and will cherish them forever. While they were only a "few moments," it felt like a lifetime together. During the entire walk; and I am not kidding, Chenin appeared to me as only a little girl. I had to shake my head many times, but it wasn't until the wind caught us just before the arch when her vail blew over her face, when she laughed and then looked up at me and then hugged me (almost being as tall as me), when she became my young lady the new bride.

While many, there was one moment in time that will live in my heart and mind forever was our dance (pictured here). Our song has always been Butterfly Kisses, so appropriately, togther we chose that song as our "Father and Daughter" dance. I assure you that there wasn't a dry eye in the house. This wedding was an incredible moment it time for my awesome daughter, her family and friends. We take comfort knowing how much of a good man Sean is and I know that he will move heaven and earth to love, honor and protect her, always and in all ways.

Wednesday, June 8, 2011

Finding My Father

Well, it has been quite some time since I last blogged. I have been busy fulfilling dreams and believing in the impossible. Guess what? It has paid off. It is a very long story...but here I go...and get ready for a made for Lifetime movie experience...

Many years ago, before my mother passed away, she told my brother, Jim and I (the only brother I've ever known) that we were adopted and that the man we grew up believing was our father, was never our birth father. I was relieved that I was not related to such a monster of a man. It was almost as if I was relieved at once after being told. There are many other parts to the story, which will make a very good book, perhaps a best seller some day, but she went on in weeks that followed to share additional information with us, such as names being changed (mine), that our real father tried to drown me in a tub, showed my brother how to hit me on the head with a metal can of powder, that he did not want to ever see us, and the list goes on. Later on, I would learn that information was not accurate and I believe that was planned, so that I would not search records. Well, that did not stop me. On and off for 22 years, I have searched records, looking for names that were not accurate, etc., always ending up at a dead end. But, I needed a resolution for myself and my daughter, Chenin, who was married the year before and would someday soon be planning her own family. I thought a family tree was very important to share with her. Fast forward to May 2011, a bright sunny Sunday afternoon. My partner and I were discussing my need to continue this search, the cost, the need to do it for my daughter Chenin, etc. He suggested that I check out Ancenstry.com. He shared his experiences with his use. So, I tried it. I began searching my mother's maiden name and discovered records linked to her name, her current husband and then my real father, Robert Bauth. Those links provided more links to children and other links revealing, to my complete surprise and SHOCK that he was alive and living in Buffalo, New York, my birth place. I sat there in disbelief and out of breath for about 20 minutes. My partner was just as stunned as I was. I did not know what to do or how to do it. I also knew I had to tell my brother, Jim. So, I do what comes naturally to me, I took a calculated risk and reached out to one of Robert's middle son's. I decided that in case my dad was in ill health that reaching out to a half sibling was less damaging. So, I reached out to David Bauth on none other than Facebook. In a very lengthy private message to him, I explained who I was, told him what I knew about Robert (perhaps my father), my mother, Grace and a few other important details (reserved for the best seller). I ended with sharing that I was sorry in advance if this was upsetting in anyway and that I knew I was taking a risk by reaching out, but had nothing else to lose and everything in the world to gain by sending this note. In less than one hour, I received the following excerpt of his response. “Well...wow to say the least...I can't believe this. I will confirm that you are right sir!! Robert E. Bauth is my father... as well as yours and is very much alive and well!!! Hello brother! This is great. There is much to talk about. Our father has mentioned you and Jim to me a long time ago. It was a very sensitive subject as you can imagine…”
I had to be picked up off the floor shortly thereafter. I experienced emotions that I cannot even begin to explain or express again. I would laugh hysterically; cry uncontrollably, I could no sit still. I have not been able to do so since. However, I have been the most productive lately too. My next calls would be to my brother and daughter to share this information. My brother was initially angry and did not want to discuss it; my daughter was stunned, as she believed her grandparents, my parents, were deceased. Initially, my contact with David was daily, via phone, Facebook, e-mail. Then next were the conversations with my father. He was as emotional as I was and could not stay on the initial call very long. Obviously, days and some weeks have passed and there have been other calls and contact which I will share more on this Blog and on an ongoing basis. But, I needed to shout this out today, now that I have my self under more control.